Making Friends and Understanding Social Etiquette in Japan and South Korea as an ASEAN Student

Seniority shapes how people interact

In Japan, the senpai (senior) and kohai (junior) relationship organizes clubs, part-time jobs and academic labs. Someone one year ahead of you, even by a semester, is your senpai, and you're expected to show a level of deference: more formal language, letting them lead group decisions, finishing shared tasks before them. This isn't unique to Japanese students, international students inside a club or lab follow the same structure.

In South Korea, the sunbae (senior) and hubae (junior) system works similarly, tied closely to age and entry year rather than to visible seniority alone. Korean speech itself changes based on this hierarchy, honorific speech levels shift depending on whether you're talking to someone older, younger or the same age. Getting the exact grammar right takes time, but using basic honorifics and asking politely how someone prefers to be addressed goes a long way even with limited Korean.

Group harmony over individual opinion

Japanese and Korean group settings, class discussions, club meetings, lab work, tend to prioritize consensus over one person's strong individual opinion. Disagreement usually happens indirectly: a pause, a soft that might be difficult, or a suggestion framed as a question rather than a flat no. Reading these signals takes practice if you're used to direct disagreement.

Avoid pushing a point strongly in a group setting even when you believe you're right. Raise it privately with the person afterward, or frame it as a question, have we considered, rather than a direct correction in front of the group.

Circles and clubs are the main way students make friends

Japanese universities run circles, student clubs built around a shared activity: sport, music, language exchange, cooking. Circles run far more socially than academically, regular meetups, trips and parties are part of the structure, and joining one in your first month gives you a consistent group instead of relying on class alone. JASSO and most university international offices list active circles during orientation week.

Korean universities run a similar system through dongari (동아리) clubs and department-based groups. New students typically join an MT, membership training, trip early in the semester, an overnight group trip built specifically for bonding between new and senior students. Going, even if the schedule feels intense, is one of the fastest ways to build a friend group inside a Korean department.

Drinking culture and how to navigate it without drinking heavily

Group drinking, nomikai in Japan and hoesik in Korea, plays a genuine role in bonding among students and later in workplaces. Skipping these events entirely means missing a chunk of the informal bonding, but drinking heavily, or at all, isn't required to take part. Ordering a soft drink, sipping slowly, or explaining you don't drink for religious or personal reasons gets accepted, especially once people know you.

Attending briefly and leaving early is a normal, accepted move rather than a rejection of the group, as long as you show up in the first place.

Practical starting points

• Learn basic polite forms in Japanese (desu and masu endings) or Korean honorifics before arrival, they matter more day to day than fluency.

• Ask a senpai or sunbae directly how they'd like to be addressed rather than guessing.

• Join one circle or dongari in your first month rather than waiting to feel ready.

• Bring a small gift, omiyage in Japan, back from a trip home, sharing it with your lab or circle is a common, appreciated gesture.

• Use your university's international student office, both JASSO in Japan and Study in Korea (NIIED) publish adjustment guidance aimed specifically at international students.

What ASEAN students often adapt to fastest

Punctuality expectations run stricter than in most ASEAN settings, arriving even a few minutes late to a class, meeting or club event gets noticed. Indirect refusal, a vague it's a bit difficult usually means no, takes longer to read correctly, but gets easier to spot after a semester of exposure. Group activities, even ones that feel mandatory at first, tend to become the actual source of close friendships once you push through the initial adjustment period.

Professors and classroom hierarchy

Japanese and Korean professors hold a formal, respected position that differs from the more casual, first-name access common in Australia, the UK or the US. Address professors by their title and family name, sensei in Japan or gyosunim in Korea, unless told otherwise, and expect a more formal tone in email than you might use at home.

Office hours exist, but showing up unannounced happens less often than in Western settings. Book time through the department office or a scheduling system if one exists, arriving on time matters more here than in a culture where a few minutes late gets casually accepted.